taking off my face

From the time that I was very little I have always been known as very girly. When given this assignment I began to wonder is this something that I had chosen or was this something that was forced on to me. My mother always instilled in not only myself but my siblings as well that we should always try to look our best and always look presentable. I grew up with a fear that if I didn't look my best I would feel insecure and ashamed about myself. For the assignment I decided to take the way I present myself to the outside world down a notch. Everyday I'm use to wearing makeup, straightening or curling my hair, and making sure that my clothes are ironed. When I woke up Saturday morning I brushed my teeth and proceeded to take a shower once I got out I threw on some over sized sweats and put my hair up in a messy bun. Before I left my bedroom I looked and myself and I felt a bit disgusted without the makeup on looking in the mirror I seen an exaggerated image of myself. I seen the dark circles from not getting enough sleep at night, I seen the marks acne left on my cheeks, without my hair fixed I felt like a mess and with out the clothes I'm use to wearing I felt a overall nakedness. As I proceeded to go down stairs both my mom and sister gave me a odd look it's not like they had never seen me like this but because they were in shock that I was going to go outside looking like I was. Walking around I felt very uncomfortable like I didn't belong. I was hoping that I wouldn't see anyone that I knew because I was ashamed of my appearance. When my boyfriend seen me he was a bit surprised but also happy in a way because he said I looked comfortable and it must be so easy to just throw anything on but in my mind it wasn't it took a lot to let go and try this out. I noticed that as the day went on I felt a little anxiety from this activity and I had to go home and change my clothes only then did I feel comfortable. Reflecting on this I realize that some things need to change and even though it will take time hopefully I will get there one day.

-Janaine

Gender Norm Activity