Sex, love, and romance by Pamela Murillo

Our culture and morals dictate what is right or wrong about sexuality. What is acceptable to some people might not be acceptable to others. Each individual is capable to be sexually aroused, but people learn rules that tell them how to behave in a sexual act, with whom to have sex, how to have sex, and what is pleasurable and not pleasurable during sex. Sexual acts that are recognized by a particular social group, the rules that guide the expected behavior, and the expected punishment for violating such rules form sexual scripts. Sexual scripts are schemas for sexual concepts or events, an example is listing the things people do on a first date, such as getting dressed, go out shopping or to a restaurant in order to get to know each other, joking and talking to try to impress. Sexual scripts are also guided by society and are part of cultural institutions; this is because law and religion regulate sexual behaviors. Sexual scripts are also influenced by race and class as well as by gender. For example, as the text mentions, people in the United States believe that Love is necessary for marriage, but in many parts of the world love is arranged by family members, not by the bride and groom.

In class we read different passages about people’s sexual lives, and we rated them as to what is most and least acceptable to us. We heard the story of Diane who sleeps with any guy without having any attachment. We heard the story of Jill and the swinging of partners. We also heard among others, the story of a guy who was been unfaithful to his partner and was afraid to hurt her, therefore he kept salience he liked somebody else. Similarly, the whole class had similar ratings to these stories, and this is because we go to the same school, we are used to cultural diversity, and we are more open minded about sexuality. But the reality of this is that everybody will rate these stories differently, and they will rate them according to their morals, culture, and religion ideas. Some one in class mentioned that partner swinging is ok as long as both individuals in the relationship are ok with it. However, I am pretty sure that for many people out there, partner swinging is a sin and should not be done at all.

Chapter 8 talks about sexual scripts, sex, love, and romance, but among these beautiful ideas it also talks about dating violence. Violence between partners is very common that pretty much everyone know someone that has experienced it. The chapter mentions that over 80% of college students say they have experienced or given some kind of verbal aggression within the past year. In addition, over one third report having engaged in physical aggression during the same time period; for example, hitting, throwing something, grabbing, or shoving. Women are the ones that report this kind of violence more often than men. But although women report it more often, there are many man out there that keep it quite; this is because they feel shy or embarrassed to say that they have experience some sort of violence by a woman. Finally, the speaker that we had in class taught us that being violent is by choice, and that even though women and men give many reasons as to why they are violent, it all comes down to them choosing to be like that. We all should have healthy relationships and choose for ways to avoid being violent at all costs. Also we cannot let anyone be violent to us, and we have to report it immediately to stop it on time.

Reality TV show "Project Runaway"

The reality show I would like to discuss about is on ‘Project runaway’ on Lifetime channel. In this show there are designers who have to compete with each other and the winner of this show will get multiple prizes. All the models in this show are female. They have the typical white dominating, skinny, pretty structured feature. One noticeable thing among the models is that there are no male models, like they are not allowed to wear good cloths. There are mixtures of both sexes, as designers, in the competition. There are four judges constantly one of which is a permanent female judge. There is always one male judge out of the four judges (because I think they want to play it safe) like men don’t know anything about fashion so they should not be judging anything.
There is a mentor through out the show named Tim. He is always in his sophisticated look and he is gay. Why is it that there has to be a gay mentor for the competitors? Are they trying to say that gay men understand women and that’s how it should be? Meaning men are not supposed to understand women because it’s not their job!
There is always one word that every judge would utter for each designer’s as a critique. The word is sheik. In my I-phone dictionary it shows that the word sheik means ‘a man held to be masterful and irresistibly charming to women.’ In thesaurus there are no words found which could be a synonym for this word. So the judges are trying to mean, by this word, that the dresses should be appealing to men. These clothes are not meant to make yourself look good but it’s meant to appeal others and mostly men.
There was one episode where more than ten divorcees arrived to the show. The challenge for the designer was to turn their wedding gowns into an outfit that they would wear to their first date. The outfits were designed in one day. When the judgment day came one designer was criticized tremendously for his turnout of the dress. He used the fabric of the dress and he made a top out of it and he was able to buy 2 yards of fabric which he made a pair pants with. When the divorcee was asked by the judges if she liked the turnout of her dress she said she did. When the judges asked her if she would wear it to her date she said ‘to the second date, I would.’ The judges replied ‘smart choice.’ Why is it that pants are not allowed to be worn for a divorcee on her first date? What is so wrong with that picture? Is she trying to make a statement of something? If that’s the concern then shouldn’t everyone pay attention to the fact that she has been divorced once, which clearly means that she did not like who she was with. She made that decision on her own and she freed herself from her ex-husband. So she is a strong, sophisticated woman who wants to move on from her past and enter a new relationship. Even if she was not a divorcee why would it be a crime to wear pants to your first date? Wearing clothes should be someone’s comfort zone and they should only wear clothes that are appealing to them not others.
Even in this show, which should be all about women, are also displaying women as how men wants to see them as. They should be appealing or “sheik” according to the judges. This is how gender is also demolishing women and providing a misconception of women position in the society. Also this competition is all about the designers’ designs then why is it so important for the models to get their hair and make-up done? So the message is that you are not permitted to get out of the house with only your clothes but you must be physically attractive as well. This means women “BE AWARE” you are not permitted to be yourself at all. You need to always be appealing to men so they could pick you as their partners and you could become their play toy.

Newspaper article: Southern Baptist seminary to offer academic program in homemaking

The article, “Southern Baptist seminary to offer academic program in homemaking,” is an atypical article. Well, honestly, I am not so surprised about the subject of this article because of where it takes place. In southern part of America it’s even more difficult to establish women anywhere other than home. This article is informing that in Nashville, Tennessee, a Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary is introducing a program in homemaking only for women. This program will teach seven hours of nutrition and meal preparation, seven hours of textile design and "clothing construction," three hours of general homemaking, three hours on "the value of a child," and three hours on the "biblical model for the home and family.” It will offer a bachelor of arts in humanities degree with a 23-hour concentration in homemaking. The program is only open to women (French p1). So we women need to have a degree which will prove us as women if we accomplish this course. I really would love to see anyone proudly walk on their graduation day holding this degree and feel like they have found their achievement. I would really want to hear someone say this is what they wanted to do since they were a little girl!
Seminary officials say the main focus of the courses is on hospitality in the home -- teaching women interior design as well as how to sew and cook. Women also study children's spiritual, physical and emotional development (French p1). This institution is trying to bring women back to their home. They are stating that women belong inside the house and that is their place. Why is this course offered only to women? Why it is not offered to men? Are they not allowed to cook? Are they not allowed to feed themselves? Starting from fast food restaurants to five star restaurants majority of the chefs are male. Where did they learn how to cook? Obviously from a cooking institution and they each have certificate which certifies them as professional cooks. Then why is this institution offering this course to only women?
If you watch the show in lifetime channel ‘Project runaway’ all the designers are a mixed sex. Did they have to learn how to sew the clothes they design? Yes they had to learn, than why is this Seminary offering the course to women only? Also there are so many brand name clothes out there like Calvin Klein, Tommy Hilfiger, George Armani etc. are all designers and they are male. They had to make their dresses before they became known in today’s phase. Also where did they learn how to sew? Once again they had to either learn from a school or maybe from their parents.
If you watch HGTV, which is a house decorating channel, you will come across multiple male interior designers who are successful in their field. Where did they learn to decorate? Obviously, if you are a decorator in this channel, that means you are a professional at your field. This means all the decorators have certificate which certifies them to decorate the interior of the house or reconstruct the house as whole.
Unfortunately, biologically, men can not get pregnant and give birth to a child. Putting that fact aside, a man in a family turns out to be a father. This means that they should know how to raise a child because they would have to interact with a child just like a mother would. Maybe they might not be as involved as the mother would be but they are part the child’s life so they should learn how to raise a child too. Then why is this Seminary merely offering this course to women? So they are trying to say that men are born with the knowledge of how to be a father but women are so imperfect that they need to be taught how to be a mother? A child is always influence by their surroundings, which means that they will be affected by both the parents. Moreover not just the fact that they will be taught but they need to achieve a degree which will declare them as a pro at what they do. Is this the image we, as society, want to imply on our generation that women should be locked up at home with their house chores, which they don’t get paid for, but men should be out there earning money; where a woman is well capable of executing the same task a man would embark on? No matter how much others try to tie women down but they are not home caged any more and neither would they give in to that pleasure for men. There were other Baptists who did not agree with such course which should be part of the institution. Surprisingly they are men who are raising a voice against this matter. Even men, in today’s period, know that it takes both male and female to run a society successfully. So this is a friendly advice to those back dated, hard-headed people, try hard but don’t die hard in the process!

Found disturbing, so had to mention

I was slightly disgusted by what was happening to Filippa Hamilton, a former fashion model for Ralph Lauren. I say former because she was fired for becoming too "fat". I think she is like 5'10" and weighs 120 pounds, which in a normal mind is an almost too low of a weight. Ralph Lauren is, of course, of a totally different opinion in what concerns knowledge about a woman's weight. They, for some reason, decided to use her image for an advertisement again, after firing her, but due to their distorted view of weight they airbrushed her image turning a healthy-looking woman into a completely emaciated, abnormally thin person. That, just looks ridiculous! What are they trying to accomplish? Have they as a design group, been putting such unreachable thinness standards to their models? I wonder? What is their idea behind such behavior? That's of course if they even actually have one (idea), but maybe it is just bad taste. Michelle

What about Commitment-women and close relationships????by Grace

Most weddings are done according to the idealized standard that the society sets; the standards of the parents, family members, and even the media. In other words, what will others think about the wedding? This is the result of the commercialization of people’s lives and it affects the decisions people make in that when they make decisions about their wedding, it is really about gaining the approval of the society they are in. When people talk about weddings, they focus too much on the external appearance and how they will impress their guests and others. Also how they will make that day very memorable because it marked the beginning of the rest of their lives.
In Wilson's article, the selling of the American wedding, the reader takes a second look at weddings and how weddings are idealized by the media. When people talk about weddings, it is almost like a fairytale, as if the bride and groom just fell in love and should live happily ever after as long as the wedding is just perfect. What about commitment? What kind of relationship does the couple have and should all relationships result in wedding? If a relationship does result in wedding, should the wedding be about what the society expects of the bride and groom? I find myself thinking about these questions and more when I think about the wedding industry and how they have idealized weddings through the media.
The perfect wedding has become standardized and regulated by the media just as the perfect partner has been dictated by society. It is quite problematic to find that the government also has a hand in the order of intimate relationships. For a country that emphasizes freedom, it is ironic to find that there really isn’t that much freedom because the government practically dictates people’s choices of intimate partners. In the textbook, we learn that marriage is a way that the society regulates private relationships between couples and specifies who marries whom, how old the couple has to be, and how properties should be divided when marriage ends. For instance same sex couples are prohibited from marrying and also, interracial marriage used to be forbidden (Crawford, 2006). So, society dictates the - who part of a relationship, why should they dictate the where when and how your relationship should be?
In the textbook, Crawford also discusses the different varieties of marriage and classifies marriages into three types: traditional, modern, and egalitarian. This division is based on authority, companionship, and shared activities. In a traditional marriage, the husband has greater authority; the wife is a full time housewife that gets no pay, whereas in the modern marriage, the husband is the breadwinner; the wife works to help him out and provide extras.
The egalitarian marriage maintains a ground of equality between husband and wife. This type is becoming more common even though it used to be very rare. I believe that with equality as a requirement in marriage, responsibilities will be equally shared and so one partner does not feel overwhelmed because of having extra responsibilities while the other partner has less. Although it is difficult to be in an egalitarian relationship because the institution of marriage has been organized around gender inequality, it is still possible to manage an egalitarian relationship. To me, egalitarian is the way a relationship should be. That being said, society should not dictate the way a wedding should be.

Gender Identities

Why is there such confusion with gender? What does it matter what color or type of clothes you choose to wear? I thought we are all able to express ourselves freely as we please. These norms that we as a society have upheld for hundreds of years play a large role in our everyday lives. When did clothes something we use to conceal our naked bodies become a symbol of our gender? And if it so necessary to have a covered body what does it matter what if you have a dress or pants on?

The article Supporting Boys or Girls When the Line Isn’t Clear argues if young children should be able to choose the gender they want to identify with. In New York City many people are now allowed to alter the sex listed on their birth certificate under gender-identity rights. Many children as young as five years old are now being supported by parents, educators, and mental health professionals as they see this as the positive approach. In the past children who did not conform to gender norms would have to undergo psychoanalysis or behavior modification.

Why is it that when we do not conform we are looked down upon? Why can everyone be accepted as an individual?

Boys are taught to play with cars while girls are given a doll and if the two were to be switched it would appear as if something was wrong with the child and not as if this is their personal preference. In order to foster a sense of security and self-esteem many doctors have began to advise families to let these children be “who they are”. From past cases transgendered children who are steered in the direction that wasn’t of their choice shows higher rates of depression, suicidal feelings and self-mutilation. It would seem in their best interest to let them choose their own path instead of having someone pick it for them.

While some might look at a young boy showing up to school in skirt as something that isn’t normal and easily point the finger at the parents why are children not able to verbalize their own feelings? Some parents are choosing to black their child’s puberty medically which raises a bunch of ethical questions. They just want to enable their adolescent to make the correct decision at an appropriate age that they feel they will understand exactly what they are doing.

The topic of gender identity touches on many sensitive topics but I personally feel that you can’t label someone and place them in a box. From a young age we are taught that we have freedom and we should be able to do anything we choose to do. Everyone is uncomfortable with change but once it catches on we almost can’t remember what things we like before. I believe that it will take a long time before people are able to accept what will come about but in the end we have to see it as the individual’s decision and their decision in which they choose to live their lives. If someone that is transgendered isn’t telling someone else what they should be then why does that majority try to convert them? At the Park Day School in Oakland teachers are practicing gender neutrality which they are taught a new vocabulary and line the students up according to sneaker color and not by gender. This is the first step in making a change in which children can be taught that everyone should be looked on as equals.

-Janaine Jaikaran

Gendered Development (chapter 5) by Pamela Murillo

Sex is a social construction and it starts off from the moment we are born. It’s a boy! Or it’s a girl! Society has established ways to categorize people, either you are a male or a female, black or white, but cannot be in the middle. It is not socially accepted that individuals break the rules, and usually whenever that happens, individuals are looked bad upon and most of the time rejected. This chapter mentions that in our society there are three assumptions about sex; One is that there are only two sexes, second one is that sex exists as a biological fact not taking into account people’s beliefs, and third is that sex and gender naturally go together. Interestingly enough there are many people out there that are misinformed about gender and sex. Many believe that there are only two genders, and as I mentioned before those are male and female. However, the book mentions that 1.7 percent of babies vary in some way from the biological norm of the two common known sexes. People that are born with any variation from the two sexes are called intersexed. When a babe is born intersexed, doctors force the parents to make the decision of weather they want a girl or a boy. Usually their decision is based on weather the kid’s sex organ appeals to be more a female or a male like. Since the kids are too young to decide for themselves, they do not have a say in having the surgery done, and is when they reach puberty or adulthood that they start facing the consequences of that act.

As we also saw in the Oprah show, there are people out there that didn’t have the surgery done when they were born. They feel happy with themselves although they are aware of all the discrimination they face in order to remain who they are. The book explains how some people feel “trapped in the wrong body” but since society is so strict when it comes to this topic; most just remain hidden in the dark. There are many different types of sexual disorders out there that are not socially accepted. For example, there are people that are born with androgen insensitivity syndrome, which is most of the time, a person with a female organ and female features but with internal testis. Their body produce enough estrogen that make them look female, although they do not have a uterus inside but instead testis in the folding of their labia. This is just an example of one of the syndromes mentioned in the book, but there are other major ones out there as well that people have to deal with. It is not really hard to come up and find out for your self who you are, and what you want in reference to your sexual life, but it is really hard to maintain a regular social life and having to deal with what “society” is going to say.

Intersexed people demonstrate that there are not only two categories for sex. But is sad to know that intersexed children are largely dependent on social factors. Kids have to face discrimination, teasing, disrespect, and bulling when they undergo these conditions. In class we saw an example of two young 8-year-old kids that were born male but they felt inside as females. They had made the transition from being boys to being girls regardless of what society and their parents thought of them. They were so mature and open about it. It made me feel so proud of them and think that we as adults have to be as brave as them when we want something with such a big desire. The book also mentions that there are other cultures such as India that accept the variation of having only two sexes. Our society is so narrowed minded and so conservative about this topic, that they rather ignore it and push/force people to the categories we already have established. If we change our mentality we can possibly change the future to end sex discrimination against those who “cannot fit” into society’s norms.

ADS AND GENDER

While flipping through the pages of a Spanish magazine named “TV Notas” I came across a very interesting ad. It says “Un busto Exuberante con Bosom Max,” This means: A bigger breast with Bosom Max.” The ad has a picture of a fairly young woman probably in her late 20’s. She is wearing a pink shirt that is so open barely covering her nipples. Her breast looks so big that all you pay attention too while you see this ad is her breast. Of course the company promoting Bosom Max wants to sell the product making women believe this treatment will increase the size of her breast. But why would they assume women with small breast would want bigger breast? I strongly believe ads like this are what make many women feel ashamed of their bodies and not completely satisfy with themselves. The woman in this ad is also wearing a lot of makeup. Her cheeks are as pink as her shirt, and she has this innocent smile that is portraying “satisfaction.” Her hair is nicely done and her hands are tied together on top of her stomach. Women are always forced by society to be looking beautiful, sexy, many times innocent, and calmed. It makes me really sad how ads like this want to put women down. Since by showing this they are saying that small breast is not cute, sexy, and is not supposed to be that way. Especially this is focusing on Spanish women since this is a Spanish magazine. It wants to tell the Spanish audience that women are supposed to have big breast in order to look good. I remember when I was younger I always wanted big breast, since I always used to see this type of ads. Now that I think about it, it upsets me to realize that many teenagers going on puberty are going to see this ad and feel different about their body. They will look at themselves and say, “My breast doesn’t look like that, I am not a good looking, sexy woman.” We need to change this and evoke that idea that we are all beautiful that way we are.

In the morning while I was in the train to work I noticed a woman standing next to me reading a magazine. I saw her flipping the pages slowly but then she stopped to read an article. I soon realized that the back of the page she has flipped to had a picture of a woman in a kitchen. I pay close attention to the ad and what exactly was trying to say. If it were any other day I wouldn’t even notice how that ad evoked gender norms, but since I had to do this assignment I actually stopped and observed it well. It was a picture of a woman in a fancy kitchen. She had a big smile in her face. She was holding a towel in one of her arms and with her hand holding a knife and a tomato. One of her legs was lift up (as if playing soccer) but lifted from her backside pointing her toes towards her back. On top of her foot was a small toaster, as if she was catching it from falling. With her other hand she was mixing fruits on a blender, and then again she had a big smile in her face! Oh! And I forgot to mention that her kid was holding on to her right leg as is he wanted something from her. The ad titled “All a woman could do with Olympia Kitchenware.” This article made me so mad because I am not and will never be a housewife at all. I don’t believe in women having to cook, clean, watch the kids, and still work, and on top of that serve the husband when he gets home. I hate that they post ads like this in which they are saying that women have to be housewives no matter if they work or if they stay at home. Society imposes that role since it is always claimed that women are so emotional, more caring, more sensitive, and more nurturing. That is not true! Not all women are like that. I was trying to find an ad where there was a man in a kitchen performing those roles and I hardly found one where the man was in a kitchen but because he was a famous chef. Man are always the “though” ones, and seeing them in a kitchen according to society is feminine and reflects weakness. This is the worst ad they could possibly put on a magazine, trying to portrayed women as multitask housewives able to do all the housework and everything that entitles.

In a target discount magazine I found a picture of two kids modeling cloth. The boy about 8 years old had a big smile in his face, showing his teeth. His hands were in his packet; he was standing straight, looking at the camera. He was wearing a blue t-shirt and black gym pants. He looked tough and secure of himself. As opposed to the girl the boy was portrayed stronger not only because of his cloth but also because of his body language. The girl, around the same age, was wearing a purple shirt with butterflies in the middle. She was also wearing pink tights and had her hair wrapped up in a bun. She was not looking at the camera like the boy was, but instead she was looking away at the ceiling. She had a half smile and her hands were in her back as if she was shy and hiding something. We can clearly see the difference in gender portrayal even among kids. They are both modeling cloth but they are not perceived as the same, there is clearly a boundary that shows one is a girl, and one is a boy, one most know the difference according the ad. The girl is always perceived as sad, shy, and quite, whereas the boy is always perceived secured, tough, and decided.
If society and each of us individually don’t change the way we do gender, things are never going to change. Lets not dress our little boys in blue, and our little girls in pink, lets just not establish boundaries between both sexes, and we will see a change in how we are all perceived.